Jaroslav (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} helronthefallen) wrote,@ 2009-09-15 01:07:00 |
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Herein lies the dilemma...
I really hate my job.
I used to love it, back in Sarasota - it was a good, challenging job, and I was surrounded by fantastic people all around. The bosses were great for the most part, and the ones who weren't kept quiet in their offices and let us run the store. We were all very close to each other and made work exciting.
This Orlando Target is a horrendous, embarrassing disaster. Most of the execs are useless, and what more, they insist on constantly coming to us (who actually know what the hell we're doing) and tell us how to do things differently, you know, in the inefficient, idiotic, inconvenient way. They are rude, unpleasant, mean, and have absolutely no compassion for any of the fellow employees. The store manager is an unethical asshole...I can't even write on here what he does to blackmail people into doing what he wants them to do.
The regular Team Members are all very nice people, which makes this even worse - I feel SO sorry for them, especially for the ones who have to quietly suffer because they're afraid they wouldn't be able to find another job. I, however, am ready to call it quits already. I was absolutely determined to quit a week ago, but now, of course, a shadow of doubt has crept upon my mind, and I am thinking about it further. I would like to summarize the internal struggle I'm dealing with right now.
I get a lot of money from my scholarships, enough to cover rent and bills. If I quit, I will have to cut down significantly on my 'fun' costs - I could still go out once in a while and all that, but I wouldn't be able to spoil myself like I do now. Okay, whatever, it's worth it to not be miserable at work all the time, small sacrifice. After all, why should I stay at a job if it makes me miserable? I know that in the U.S, somehow, the opinion prevails that one should put up with a shit job if the shit job pays well. Screw that, my friends. Moving on - the benefits of quitting would be numerous. First, I wouldn't be unhappy. Second, I would have much more time to pour into school. Cool. Third, most important reason perhaps - I could really get my butt into filmmaking. I could get a crew and a cast together for one of my bigger films. I could scrounge around, work on other people's films, and do some hardcore networking. I could devote a lot of my time to writing. Perhaps I could even obtain an internship somewhere (I know how small the chance of that is, but hell, crazier things had happened to me). I could really just not work for six months and advance myself in what I really want to do. Sounds excellent. Oh, and another thing - if I work, I will be able to only come to Sarasota for maybe one or two days during Christmas, because I'm sure I would be scheduled to work all the freaking time. So basically, my Christmas would consist of being by myself in the apartment, since the roommies will go to their families, and working. Sounds suicidal.
Of course, now we are off to the negatives. The most obvious is the loss of steady income - I do make a thousand bucks a month, and it counts. I would have to touch the scholarship money, which I was hoping to save to have after school ends. Now, my plan was actually find a new job next year, sometime between March and May - something closer to where I live, so I don't have to drive for half an hour, something with nicer people that won't take so much out of me. Then, my income would start up again. Problem 1 - my pay will be significantly lower. Two - it might take hell of a longer time to find a job. Its about luck, mostly. I could search for a week and find something, or I could be looking for a year and not even get an interview. And being without a job for that long would mean just using up all of that scholarship money, and coming out of college with no savings...Now, I know that I'm supposed to come out of college with a big debt, not savings, but I just wanted to do it differently! I suppose that coming out with no savings nor debt would be okay. I was just excited about being all "Wassup, you owe 40,000 bucks while I saved up 10,000 bucks, in yo' face mr. Business Major," but I suppose that I could deal.
My job is stopping me from aggressively going forward. I could be volunteering, trying to get internships, being more actively involved on campus, making freaking films, just doing the whole college thing, but instead I spend 30 hours a week at a job I know I won't keep past college that does nothing to enrich me as a person. All it does is pour a lot of money into my savings account. That money has been my security blanket for so long...For the past four years, I've been working my butt off to never have to worry about finances. Maybe it's time to let go. Maybe I need to trash the fucking blanket and run around naked. Take my risks.
Maybe I'm too young to let this tie me down. Maybe I'm going against my very beliefs, my absolute, firm need for freedom and independence.
Or maybe I'm being an irresponsible jackass.
I have two choices:
1. I stay at the job, stay unhappy, spend most of Christmas break in Orlando alone, have less time for school and related activities, and have no time to make films. However, I keep scholarship money. I will come out of college with a lot in savings that I will be able to invest in anything I want. I keep health insurance and all that shit.
2. I quit the job, and gain much more time for school, socializing, filmmaking, and living the college experience. I will get to spend Christmas in Sarasota with the people who have become a second family to me. Next year, I will look for a job - maybe I will succeed, maybe not. I will have to use my scholarship money, and I won't get to save up - if worst comes to worst, I might even have to take on a school loan to help myself out. I would get to take on some internships, and make connections in the fields I actually hold interest in. I will really have to tighten up my finances. No health insurance.
If anybody wants to give me any feedback, please feel free. I would really appreciate some guidance, because I never had any. My parents arent around to tell me what's the right thing to do, and they're too far to understand it all. It's all me.
I really hate my job.
I used to love it, back in Sarasota - it was a good, challenging job, and I was surrounded by fantastic people all around. The bosses were great for the most part, and the ones who weren't kept quiet in their offices and let us run the store. We were all very close to each other and made work exciting.
This Orlando Target is a horrendous, embarrassing disaster. Most of the execs are useless, and what more, they insist on constantly coming to us (who actually know what the hell we're doing) and tell us how to do things differently, you know, in the inefficient, idiotic, inconvenient way. They are rude, unpleasant, mean, and have absolutely no compassion for any of the fellow employees. The store manager is an unethical asshole...I can't even write on here what he does to blackmail people into doing what he wants them to do.
The regular Team Members are all very nice people, which makes this even worse - I feel SO sorry for them, especially for the ones who have to quietly suffer because they're afraid they wouldn't be able to find another job. I, however, am ready to call it quits already. I was absolutely determined to quit a week ago, but now, of course, a shadow of doubt has crept upon my mind, and I am thinking about it further. I would like to summarize the internal struggle I'm dealing with right now.
I get a lot of money from my scholarships, enough to cover rent and bills. If I quit, I will have to cut down significantly on my 'fun' costs - I could still go out once in a while and all that, but I wouldn't be able to spoil myself like I do now. Okay, whatever, it's worth it to not be miserable at work all the time, small sacrifice. After all, why should I stay at a job if it makes me miserable? I know that in the U.S, somehow, the opinion prevails that one should put up with a shit job if the shit job pays well. Screw that, my friends. Moving on - the benefits of quitting would be numerous. First, I wouldn't be unhappy. Second, I would have much more time to pour into school. Cool. Third, most important reason perhaps - I could really get my butt into filmmaking. I could get a crew and a cast together for one of my bigger films. I could scrounge around, work on other people's films, and do some hardcore networking. I could devote a lot of my time to writing. Perhaps I could even obtain an internship somewhere (I know how small the chance of that is, but hell, crazier things had happened to me). I could really just not work for six months and advance myself in what I really want to do. Sounds excellent. Oh, and another thing - if I work, I will be able to only come to Sarasota for maybe one or two days during Christmas, because I'm sure I would be scheduled to work all the freaking time. So basically, my Christmas would consist of being by myself in the apartment, since the roommies will go to their families, and working. Sounds suicidal.
Of course, now we are off to the negatives. The most obvious is the loss of steady income - I do make a thousand bucks a month, and it counts. I would have to touch the scholarship money, which I was hoping to save to have after school ends. Now, my plan was actually find a new job next year, sometime between March and May - something closer to where I live, so I don't have to drive for half an hour, something with nicer people that won't take so much out of me. Then, my income would start up again. Problem 1 - my pay will be significantly lower. Two - it might take hell of a longer time to find a job. Its about luck, mostly. I could search for a week and find something, or I could be looking for a year and not even get an interview. And being without a job for that long would mean just using up all of that scholarship money, and coming out of college with no savings...Now, I know that I'm supposed to come out of college with a big debt, not savings, but I just wanted to do it differently! I suppose that coming out with no savings nor debt would be okay. I was just excited about being all "Wassup, you owe 40,000 bucks while I saved up 10,000 bucks, in yo' face mr. Business Major," but I suppose that I could deal.
My job is stopping me from aggressively going forward. I could be volunteering, trying to get internships, being more actively involved on campus, making freaking films, just doing the whole college thing, but instead I spend 30 hours a week at a job I know I won't keep past college that does nothing to enrich me as a person. All it does is pour a lot of money into my savings account. That money has been my security blanket for so long...For the past four years, I've been working my butt off to never have to worry about finances. Maybe it's time to let go. Maybe I need to trash the fucking blanket and run around naked. Take my risks.
Maybe I'm too young to let this tie me down. Maybe I'm going against my very beliefs, my absolute, firm need for freedom and independence.
Or maybe I'm being an irresponsible jackass.
I have two choices:
1. I stay at the job, stay unhappy, spend most of Christmas break in Orlando alone, have less time for school and related activities, and have no time to make films. However, I keep scholarship money. I will come out of college with a lot in savings that I will be able to invest in anything I want. I keep health insurance and all that shit.
2. I quit the job, and gain much more time for school, socializing, filmmaking, and living the college experience. I will get to spend Christmas in Sarasota with the people who have become a second family to me. Next year, I will look for a job - maybe I will succeed, maybe not. I will have to use my scholarship money, and I won't get to save up - if worst comes to worst, I might even have to take on a school loan to help myself out. I would get to take on some internships, and make connections in the fields I actually hold interest in. I will really have to tighten up my finances. No health insurance.
If anybody wants to give me any feedback, please feel free. I would really appreciate some guidance, because I never had any. My parents arent around to tell me what's the right thing to do, and they're too far to understand it all. It's all me.
